mentally tired
arent able to think properly
confused...
we used to be so close
going out for dinner almost daily
having conference almost daily
studying tgt during exam period
i am starting to miss those days
it just seemed that i cant get back to the same old days
maybe coz i lead a diff. life as you all
i dont know
now i am getting further and further away from you all
and all of a sudden ____ came into this friendship
frankly speaking
i dont mind
i really dont
its just that with her sudden appearance
i feel weird hanging out with you guys
i am starting or rather already have the feeling
that i am the extra party in this friendship
i stop hanging out wth you all
stop having conference with you all
i wanted to get back this friendship
i tried to
i never tried organising conferences
but that day i did it
the first time
i smsed all of you and asked for conference
time : 8.30pm
no one called me
in fact
no one even smsed back to reply if they are calling
but i did not give up
i never give up that easily
i waited
waited
and waited
time passed
8.45pm
9.00pm
my phone still did not ring
9.15 came
and one by one you all called
i was glad
glad that eventually you guys still called
and a few days ago
you guys planned to go to the night market
i was like woah...
so happy at that time
i went there in the evening
while you went in the afternoon to study
i was surprised when i reached there
greatly surprised
initially i thought that it was only the 4 of us
but ____ went too
i was not unhappy
but shocked
in the end
the night market trip was not successful
i dont know why
everyone wanted to go home when i reached
then wat for i go?
waste my lrt fare?
waste my time?
conference,
she joined in too
you guys chatted happily
and i am invisible
finally i hunged up
i dont think anyone of you even noticed it
right?
no one smsed me to call back
i was so sad
i knew that i am the extra one
i knew that someday i am going to leave this grp of friends
i knew that _____ is going to take my place
take my place to go out with you all
take my place to hold conference with you all
dont you also think so?
you all may say
" oh girl. you are thinking too much "
yes.
i may be thinking too much
all this may not take place
i am not sure if i am allowed to think this way
lying to myself is not the solution
i had also told myself
" oh girl. you are thinking too much "
but wat happened in the end?
nth changed
but got worse
everytime you all asked me why i so depressed
my answer is always a nth
you all will then always say i keep a lot of things to myself
but what do you expect me to say?
say that i feel extra?
say that i feel so left out?
i cant
looking at the neoprints we took
reading the letters you wrote for me
everything seemed to be just a past tense
a memory
one day
my face on the neoprints will be replaced by ____
the letters you gave me will be given to ____
the friendship which i once treasured a lot was lost
finding it back is difficult
and i am tired to do so
giving up is the easiest way
but can i?
i tried
but cant
time..
it can solve everything
can anyone tell me
wat should i do?
posted by `[ confused ]~ @ 4:22 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home